I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
