i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
