I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
