I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
