It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
