She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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