i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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