I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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