I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
