Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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