who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
