Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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