He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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