U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
