THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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