I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
