i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So much rum. So many feels.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
