the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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