i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
