Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
why didn't you poke me back
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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