Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
