mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
