I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
