I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
