Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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