Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
