I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
