all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
