My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
