i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
