it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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