dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
