The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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