I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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