Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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