i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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