i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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