if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
