Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
