they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
