How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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