Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
