And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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