Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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