how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
