I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
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