I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
