It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
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I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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