like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
