how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
