I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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