he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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