Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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