Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize