And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
