I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
