He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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