the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
