I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Randomize
