Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
