I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
