so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
