i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
