Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
