I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
