I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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